Seriously I have and do... Ok maybe not quite a steam roller but I do have whiplash and mild concussion.
So you know how we lost our semi, well we had our revenge match last night. We were amped and ready for a win, we played well. But still lost :( 5-3 not to bad we think.
But remember the elbow in the jaw indecent, the same guy bowled me over. He was lumbering up the field like the large oaf he is. I went in for the tackle, and instead of dribbling around me, he plowed right into me. My last thought was o frick, hes not stopping! Then I was on my back on the ground in a whole heap o pain. When I came to, I was cursing something cronic, why wont this dude leave me alone? Im only half his friggin size!
At the end of the game he shook my hand and said "Ill leave you alone one day" Bah, im sure you will, maybe when youve hospitalised me? Bloody hell im sore. Next game against them shall be interesting none the less.
The incedent does not help with all the mum figures at work who are trying to get me to give up the game. Lol they dont understand that the brutality is all part of the fun :) The concussion effects had worn off by late arvo today, but now ive got really bad whiplash. Neck so stiff :(
The exorcism of the mes seems to be working I think. I am constantly wary of everything I do, say, think or feel atm. I do not want to loose all control again. I need to feel in a stable place, I need to get this life on track without all the little upsets. Without the exes admitting to their repressed feelings and the like.
The BF and I seem to be settling in together, learning to compromise to the others wants and needs, ie. not staying up til my usuall midnite. And convincing him to eat less junk. We are less stressed now, and getting used to having the other around so much. Its actually quite nice :)
Had the house warming over the weekend. It went swimmingly, caught up with heaps of people that I hadnt seen in ages. Played much backyard soccer, volleyball, cricket and badminton. There were no clashes among different groups of friends, even the 2 sets of parents seemed to get along. The parents were our major concern as they had not yet met. The pets too behaved, both are still alive and well. Dog even leaves Leila (demon kitty) alone if shes within a metre.
All seems well I spose :) Except for before silly season craziness at work.
Yes, Im sitting here at my old job taking orders for cab rides. Its weird, and no matter how shocked everyone around me is, there is no one more shocked than myself.
I got an surprising email from the old boss last week, pretty much asking that if after 8months of Cab freedom, I would like to come back and help out for the week. I looked at the email, looked away, looked back, rubbed my eyes, looked again, and then erupted into laughter. This was priceless, the sort of feeling like, "Lol, they still cant handle it without me".
So after some talking to respected friends, workmates and ofcourse my man, I entered into negotiations with said old boss. He was desperate enough to ask me, so I could push him a little. Didnt want to scare him off tho, extra dosh before Christmas is a godsend, plus its easy money ;)
There was no way I was going to miss out on this chance to rub it in his face....
Its terrifying how quickly it all comes back, the accounts the short codes, the system. 15mins and I was swinging again. Hey look im even back to the old typing the blog at work, lol for old time sakes.
So soccer, well :( We lost that dradded semi, I got a bloody elbow in the jaw, still hurts a little. It was a really rough game, but if we had played the whole game like the 2nd half we wouldve kicked arse... Halftime score was 6-1 to them, full time was 7-6... This week we were real fired up, no way we were gonna lose. So play hard we shall and hopefully get to the semis again. Only thing is that the summer season is a whole heap harder. As regular soccer players are in off season and join up in the teams. I think our team is the only one that doesnt have pro ring-ins lol.
The mes are sorted I think. Little miss naughty is tied up, happy with her lot in life. Im kinda exorcising her. Its risky business, but with my mans help, we are getting there. With the breakdowns and the Gollum I know its hard on him, deffinatley lucky that he sticks around :)
"Thats one confirmed death" The man said to me the other day causing my very alarmed "What?!" Apparently teh demon kitty has been hunting birds in her very limited time outdoors. Well atleast she hasnt bringing them in. Shes loving the house, but wishes she could go out more. Unfortunatley that is the dogs domain for now. Until he stops the escaping the property, and looking at her like a potluck dinner, she will remain indoors.
In this age old battle, one man fights against oppression, gathering his army from all corners of his country to meet his oldest foe. They glared at each other and flung their battle axes far and wide. The foe bought out his secret weapon, the Harlot, many were wooed at first by her charms. But on that last day of battle, it seemed it would go on forever, thunder and lighting clapped around them, warriors fell on both sides, only one man could win, only one man could raise his blue flag high. And it was the minority that won, the colored man with the Muslim name, Obama the new president elect of the USA. A new era is born. Lol, that was a terrible analogy.
Anyway, I'm not much into my politics or elections. Seriously, I'm even not considering voting in my own country this year. But I couldn't help but be drawn into all the hype of the American election this time round. I think its due to just that, the fact that the media got so worked up, that this one was different. All the same its all over for now. And we shall watch Americas new president with great anticipation.
Demon Kitty/Dog update: Both are still alive. Being Guy Fawkes we have had hooligans roaming the neighborhood with fireworks. This never bodes well with pets. The Dog (Thorne) ran away. So once I got him back home I had to lock him inside. Much to Leila's disgust "I must be confined to only the upper floor? Are you mad?" I am jealous of their fur coats atm. It is unseasonably cold, we had a freaking frost this morning.
I seem to be keeping a rein on the troublesome me. As I am actually thinking about things rather than acting on impulse, which is one of her worse traights. So far her selected victim is unbeknown of her, and I think I have the ability to lock her away if she gets to out of control. This is all providing that she still is mostly animal like and has not figured out the thought patterns of other mes yet. If that was the case, I could currently be in a false sense of sercurity. Hmmm sorry for ranting, I find it easier to type this crap out. I do not think that not seeing my Man much lately is helping. It is odd that after moving in with each other we seem to see each other less...
Been a crazy few weeks, with the packing and the moving. Its always such an expensive and long process. But as I sit here typing, all I have left to is put posters up :) Huzzah! Such a good feeling. This move was big and important, I'm still nervous about how it will all turn out, but its too late now, im in, and we have a year lease. Why was it big? Well, My bf and I have moved in together. Its the first time Ive ever lived with a guy without flatmates. Its just us, the cat and the dog... That's another thing to be nervous about. But so far both pets are alive. No drama to report at all actually :)Its quite exciting, the house is the biggest house I have ever lived in, plus we have a huge lawn and a deck :D And I have full speed internet, all to myself. hehe
Certain situations, series of events and even people, bring out certain mees. I have had them fully under control (so I thought anyway) until about a week or so ago. I guess that the stress of moving etc. made the calm in control me vulnerable to the others. I have started noticing parts of some of them emerging. This isn't entirely bad, it means that I am here typing, which is good. It also means that I have been doing an awesome job of keeping house, with all the setting up, cooking and cleaning, and I am actually enjoying it. However, I do not have the ability to let out only some parts of some persona's yet, I am not strong enough. I let my guard down for one bit and all of a sudden all of the parts of me are trying to gain control of my entity. One in particular effects other people, and I know that she has already picked a victim, and is trying to manipulate the in control persona to her will. I guess that if I know that that is going on, then I have made some progress. The trick now is to stay in control and build back the walls before its to late. A year ago I don't think I would have been able to do that. But I think I can now. Do or do not, there is no try.
Things that are exciting atm; Heroes is back! (even if NZ is like 7 episodes behind). Looking at returning to my adventures in Azeroth. We will be having an awesome house warming soon. And our soccer tema is second on the table :D
Well, they are over, the Olympics that is. And the Kiwis didn't have that bad of a haul after all; 3 gold, 1 silver & 5 bronze. My prediction was close, not close enough, but not far enough off for me to be filled with patriotism for my little country. But I am happy for our sports people all the same.
Well, they (they being the ever elusive stuck up people who tell us how to run our lives, through very subtle ways) said that the Olympics were just the distraction we needed. To an extent they were correct, The news stopped telling us the bad stuff and started concentrating on the sports, 24/7 for 16days, thats all it was, except for the occasional mention of some war in Georgia. Some how that vanished the same time the Olympics did....
And as soon as David Beckhamkicked that soccer ball into the arms of an overjoyed volunteer, it all came flooding back...literally
Monday morning at work, everyone was tired and depressed, whining all over again about the worst winterwe have had in ages, how they haven't been able to dry their clothes outside for months, how its freakin cold and everything is flooded or damp. And with everyone in this cynical mood, they start remembering how poor they are, how everyones getting laid off, how their mortgage rate is increasing, how their minuscule pay rise doesn't cover the inflation in living costs, and in general how depressed they and all their friends, family and co-workers are.
And its been like this all week, instead of hearing about the mutant Phelps, lightning Bolt, Beijing fog, crazy heat andhumidity,faked fireworks, lip syncing girls, Federer or anything else happening at the 2008 Olympics. We are hearing about the terrible flooding up north, the possible selling of kiwi bank, the dishonesty of Winston Peters, and the predictions of more rain, hail , sleet and price increases.
So did the Olympics distract? Thanks to the media yes, but unfortunately, not long enough.
On a brighter note, Disturbed are in Christchurch on the 12th of September, and we are going :D Loving their latest single...
Its that time again, it happens once every 4 years, where people all of a sudden go sports crazy and become full of national pride. Yes its the Olympics. And for some reason, that makes your 24year old blogger feel old... I thought the handsome gent above was a bit of alright, then I discovered, he is 2 years younger than me :(
Annnnyyyyway.....
At work we were asked to put in a guess at medals that TeamNZ would win. I put in a 2gold,2silver,3bronze vote. Which many would veiw as unpatriotic. The bf however thinks I am being to generous... Guess we will see, but I am confident in my judgement of this one. Thinking there will be a lot of 4ths this year.
So, the victory? Soccer! OMG, my team has started winning games, we have moved up on tables, now a magnificent 2nd in our Monday tournament and a much improved 9th in our Wednesday! We are happy and playing better because of it.
Just a short one today, stupid headache and cold :(
It's been a crazy few months, and I am sorry for not writing since March. I will not list all my excuses, just state the main one... Milly.
Milly was one of the two demon kitties that resided with me, unfortunately, she is no more. It is the not wanting to talk about it that has meant my absence. But I have procrastinated and made excuses for far to long, and I am back to start with the dreaded post.
Milly's life was one of many ups and downs, she managed to squeeze a large amount of drama into her short 3years. She was born the runt of a litter of six, and never quite right because of it. Her head was slightly to big for the rest of her body, which caused her to be laughed at, as well as making her the favorite among visitors. Despite her slight retardness she was overall cute and love able. When young she would accidentally run into glass doors and windows, and charge past Leila when she was trying to attack. One of her most obvious traits, was that she refused to clean... her white belly was usually a beige sort of color, except when she had just had a bath, or Leila plucked up the courage to clean her.
Milly disappeared when she was just a year old. We hunted all around the block multiple times, but to no avail. It had been 8 days when we had given up hope, and Leila was getting used to soaking up all the attention, when she appeared at the cat door, filthy and battered and covered in fleas. After we took her to the vet it was revealed that she must have been hit by a car, that she had a shattered pelvis and that her bladder and bowel functions would never come completely right. Instead of an expensive and complicated surgery, we put her on cage rest, well, we tried to. She had other ideas however, and would not remain still. When locked in the room with a window only a crack open (there is no way anything could fit through, my hand barely could) we woke up one morning to find her asleep in the chair beside the bed. This means she squeezed out of the window, in the cat door and climbed the stairs.... she was stubborn, but eventually came right. Even if she lost half her tail in the process.
But towards the end of April this year, things went backwards again, there was nothing we could do to help her, and she knew it was the end... I miss her to this day, so does Leila and those that knew her. There is a gap in our hearts for our poor tarded Milly, but she is in a better place now, where she can run happily with a full tail again.
Well, Rock 2 Wellington review anyway... So after a week of enjoying the strangely warm, sunny and not as windy as usual Wellington weather, and cursing those evil evil hills, we rocked on out to the main reason for our trip. Hooray for huge rock concert RCK2WGTN!
We painted our faces, the bf with the traditional White face with black star, and I with the much more subdued plain black star. Its amazing the comradeship the painted faces evoked among others of the painted face gild. Even if the white paint does mix with said bf's beard to create some sort of Plato looking statue man.... I did warn him that it would look silly, I think he was the only bearded Paul Stanley out there, possibly the only bearded KISS member.... Ohwell, he had fun, just needed a lot of help removing said paint after 7 hours of rocking out.
But, I am getting ahead of myself. Many hooted and hollered at us as we walked down the Terrace towards the Westpac Stadium on the warm easter Saturday evening, this only intensified the closer we got to our destination. With children, sticking out their tongues in Gene Simmons style while loitering outside the government buildings, and then adults alike at the gates to the stadium.
Once inside we were pleasantly surprised that lines to the rest rooms were minimal (as we had been drinking most of the week) and that there was plenty on sitting room in the pit for the in between acts. We were greeted by lengthy guitar solos by apparently the best unsigned solo guitarists in NZ, some where good, some not so much, but it did do well to set the scene and keep us entertained.
The first act Lordi were really good and surprisingly well accepted for a band that is only recent on the more popular rock scene. I only knew one of their songs, and do not think many in the crowd knew more than two or maybe three. The stage and costuming was spectacular as expected, Weta can do no wrong.
After half an hour of Sonic Altar the crowd started to merge forward for what has been widely accepted as the best performance of the weekend, the man himself, Alice Cooper. The bf believes that this could be because of his less 'drugfucked' life. He still appeared in his prime, his performance came off as a musical, full of drama and impressive acting, props included, a baby, a straight jacket, a chick and other such things that should be tied in. He sang all of his hits (except Frankenstein, which the bf has only stopped moaning about due to the fact he was driving me mad). I was in awe, as was most of the crowd.
After such an amazing performance, the NZ filler band was forgettable, and even the headline act KISS was a bit of a let down. The performance, light show and fireworks were awesome... but the music just wasn't right. They started with a song that I only knew from watching C4 that day, then followed to play music that most of the audience didn't know, they seemed disappointed that the crowd wasn't warming as they should normally, but honestly what did they expect. I had been hanging out for Strutter all week, but alas no :( Even Simmons trademark blood vomit went without much cheer. It wasn't till their encore that they attempted to regain a standing. They played 2 of their biggest hits, then left us to make our ways back up those terrible hills to our place of stay.
After sleeping all day we got ready for day 2. With much more toned down outfits, we walked on down again. The crowd was much bigger and quite different. The Valves kicked off the night. They are always a good thing, pity that they were way off on a side stage. They were followed by Poison, who were doing their cowboy thing, of course. Bret Michaels seemed genuinely happy to be there, more so than any of the other acts, he said thank you heaps. The whole band were impressive, especially seeing as the crowd only knew some of their stuff.
Sonic Altar had their second go at being background music, no one was really paying attention, I felt sorry for them in a way, but at the same jealous of this big opportunity they had been given. I only know 2 or 3 Whitesnake songs, but they were enjoyable, just not as much as Poison. I am actually somewhat surprised that they were given a better time slot. My God tho, David Coverdale is a dodge old English man! He complimented a young lady near the front on her "lovely bosom" and then proceeded to tell the man next to her to "get into it" Lol! The Symphony of Screams were given the job of keeping the crowd entertained while Ozzyfound his way to the stage. The excitement was high and people started pushing to the front. Screams set finished, and there was still no Ozzy. "Wheres Sharon?" I can imagine him saying backstage, "Where am I?", "Wellington" would come the reply. "Where in fucking Australia is that?" The bf and I were discussing the possible conversations going on back stage, and how much we would actually be able to understand, for the 10mins or so it took Ozzy to finally turn up. The crowd went wild, the loudest it had been all weekend. But Ozzy couldn't hear us, the screams and yells only got louder, still Ozzy was deaf to it "I cant hear you" says he. I partly wish I had a loud billowing voice so that I could yell in return "Turn your hearing aid on". Itwasn't all bad tho, we could actually understand more than we thought we might, he sang good songs, even Bark at the Moon & Warpigs! We all forgave him mucking up the lyrics and us hearing the backing. We forgave his drugged stupor, from many parties past. The fireworkswere spectacular. The 15min guitar solo was extensive, but hey Ozzy is an old man now, andneeded a rest. I think the most disappointing was that Ozzy didn't seem to like the crowd, didn't seem like he wanted to be there. That rubs off on a crowd and ruins the buzz.
We were far to tired to attend the after party, so back up the hill we trekked.
So just to tie up a few loose ends...
While we were in Wellington, what does our soccer team do? Win a game! Grats to them sure, but it sure made us feel stink.
I arrived home, half expecting the kitties to ignore me. But no, quite the opposite, only now, 2weeks later have they started to lay off on all the love.
One of the bf's good mates, thought that all that time alone together would kill the relationship. I admit, I too had those doubts. However, quite the opposite occurred, I'm ecstatic about that :)
The reason I have taken so long to write this thing up happens to be that, my first day back home was also my first day at my new job. Its awesome, I'm learning lots of new stuff and everyone is being super nice. Got my first pay check today, and it will suffice :)
This post has gone on far to long, I shall leave it now.
Here I am on my last shift, In 4 hours I will be free. Free from the constraints of shift work, rotational rosters, 12 hour shifts, 72 hour weeks, and evil night shifts.
I'm a mixture of feelings, excitement, fear, nervousness, anticipation. Being here is all Ive known for the last 2 years, actually having a life again, or the ability to have one, will take some getting used to.
When Google imaging 'Freedom' I came across something disturbing, but rather clever,Warning, content may offend. These animal activists really know how to hit those nerves, go for the shock factor, make you feel guilty.
Speaking of animals, the kitten from my neighbors, the one that caused interesting reactions from my cats, is no more. It is unfortunate that it wandered onto the road, as it is very busy. I do feel bad that I feel somewhat relived, as I can now have my door open without worrying that it will walk in and worry my cats, also I think it had fleas.... But it was rather cute.
Just a quick entry to say... Yay! I've got the new job part also now. Yup, thats right I heard today, and I am currently typing the resignation letter. This means, no more night shifts :) No more weekends :) I can now do sports, night courses join clubs and groups. I am soooooo excited. My first day is the 26th of March. Which means I have 2 weeks here then I have my holiday and I come back a fresh for the new job. How sweet is that? Alright I'll stop harping now.
I am not entirely sure that Soccer is supposed to look this good <-. At any rate, my team does not. We don't even make up for our lack of looks by being awesome, In fact I think that we are at the bottom of the table. Its crushing :(
My workmate and I were discussing forwarded emails today. And how annoying they can be. Especially the chain ones. However we decided that the ones that make you giggle or say "awwwww" should be forwarded. They made your day brighter, so why not pass that on to your friends etc. The title of the post comes from one such email. About a group of kids that were asked to say what they think love is. I'm sure that you've seen it or one like it before. But what this kid said really grabbed me. He has managed to look deep and capture so much without even realizing what he meant. At the same time hes passing a social observation. Anyway, I'm sure the event never even happened. Lol I shouldn't be cynical.
On a forum, that I share with old friends from high school, we have been discussing the differences between US Humor and UK Humour. In particular the "Office" and the "Office". Someone posted John Cleese's "Letter to America". I feel that it is amusing enough that all deserve to have a read. On the topic of the "Office" I went over to Big Fish the other day and downloaded the demo of the game. Which was rather enjoyable :).
So it was pay day on Wednesday, and I was all excited cos I was able to buy the tickets to that concert, and what do I find? That the floor tickets are all sold out :( , I'm so upset, I was quite looking forward to it, and I don't think that seated will be quite the same experience.
In other news, Ive been interviewing my arse off. Don't yah hate that smarmy feeling?
Bahahahaha, I'm in fits of giggles. Firstly because of this guys blog. And also because of this ^ picture, that I found when I Google image searched "all your base are belong to us cat" Lol :D
Sorry, I know Ive been a bit slack lately, but my work night shifts have been preoccupied with searching for a new job..... lol, thats probably quite immoral? But I think the boss knows that I'm unhappy with the lack of social life I get with this job. Had 3 interviews today, two of which I am feeling quite happy about. Ive found that its really good for the self confidence to send out C.V's, especially when you get heaps of interviews from them.
So this holiday coming up, we found out that the week we are up there, Smashing Pumpkins and Queens of the Stone age are also having a concert, and the standing tickets are only $99, we are soooooooooo there. Totally going to be the best holiday eva!
Firstly, sorry for not posting last week, things are a little hectic here. Okay I know, thats no excuse, but hey I'm back :)
Secondly I am majorly excited :) I just bought the Bf and I airfares to Wellington. We are heading that way over Easter for a few reasons. One of those being that I haven't had any time off since June/July last year (I worked right through Christmas, including Christmas day). Another reason is because we are going to ROCK2WTN where we will get to see Kiss, Alice Cooper and much more Rock/Metal/80's goodness. Oh its gonna be great :) 10 hrs over 2days, in the pit of course.... I think that this will be one of those things that'll stick with me forever. Can you tell my excitement? Lol.
If your into that sort of thing, and especially KISS, you should totally check out this guys blog, honestly something that starts with "Ive got Gene Simmons blood on my hands" has to be gripping :)
Speaking of Gene Simmons, he makes a guest appearance in the latest Ugly Betty Episode, 'A Thousand Words By Friday'. I wont tell you the context because it would spoil it for you. Its a good show by the way, full of laughs and sweetness. And it has Freddy Rodriguez, who Ive developed quite a liking for. Lol.
Sticking to the musicish thing, I was sent a link to this video the other day, by someone whose taste in music, rarely lets me down.
Her talent is amazing, and even inspiring. There is a passion about her that is refreshing, I think I shall keep an eye on her.
Man am I loving blogger and the Interweb, I can link Vids up here, thats awesome :) The possibilities must be endless :P
On a final note for this entry, My neighbors in the front flat have recently got a kitten. Strangely it has attached itself to me, and likes to follow me around and come into my place. I thought that my Demon Kitties would be unimpressed. Leila attacked a cat wearing a funnel the other day.... However, she seems to have gone all paternal on the little one.... I anxiously watch this development...
There is something oddly alluring and even kinda sexy about Tina Fey (yes I know I'm a chick, but there is nothing wrong with appreciating fineness).
I thought to myself a couple of weeks ago that I should really give that 30 Rock a go. I hit an obstacle almost immediately, when I discovered that TvLinks had been shut down long ago. So after searching for a bit then a little try and error, I discovered SideReel, it seems to be the best option for viewing this particular show. It gives you the option of formats and host sites, so you can choose what best suits you, love it.
Anyway, after 3 episodes I was hooked. Its quirky and brilliant, with all the right ingredients for the perfect sitcom recipe: Take one enduringly neurotic character, Place in a well greased suburban setting, Fold in a quirky neighbor, but leave some aside for a spin off series later, Cover with wealth and unreality, Sift in an attractive but unattainable love interest, Drizzle through bad canned laughter, In a separate bowl whip together some bad lyrics and a cheesy tune,Over bake in a hot oven of media publicity and speculation, Decorate with B grade celebrity cameos. Plus Alec Baldwin, I mean jeez its not a movie without a Baldwin, and here we have a TV series with one!
The whole moving on and creating a life that I require, Is heaps harder than it seems. I have had 2 conversations of late that come to mind. One was incredibly detrimental, all the progress I had made at making myself stronger, more in control, a better person, went out the window in the space of 3 minutes. I hated myself again, I wanted to end it all, the Gollum was in full swing. In short I felt insanely guilty for things that should be well and truly under the bridge. The other was just strange, me realizing that parts of me still linger, feelings and emotions remain, ones that I need to come to terms with.
In other news, I appear to have an interesting cat situation. Twice in the last 5 days I have arrived home to find feathers every where. I know the cat can climb in the window with bird in mouth, I have witnessed her accomplish this amazing feat. However, after searching absolutely everywhere and questioning the cat, I cannot find said bird(s). I am concerned that she may be devouring them, and that it may be detrimental to her health...
Have an incredibly low success rate. But here I am trying to make one work.
Its a new year, I have a new residence, a new boyfriend and a new lease on life.
My New Years resolution? To get my plans and life on track, starting with my website and blog. I shall attempt to post every Tuesday, I believe if I set the time aside, it is accomplishable (I'm not sure that that is even a word...) Then, maybe, I'll start on the typically failed resolutions, eat better, go to church more, loose weight etc.
So much has changed in me and my life in the last six months. I moved out of a living situation that everyone bar myself saw as detrimental. Now that I'm out of it, I know where they were all coming from. I now live by myself, by myself I mean that I live with those two rascally kitties of mine (they are not to bad really) if it wasn't for them I would go mad from solitude.
The new boyfriend is for the first time in my life, not that in to computers, I think I actually out geek him, lol, its a new experience for me, and I'm actually enjoying normal people activities like walking the dog and playing social sports. Yeah sports, I know! The boyfriend and I co-captain a soccer team called Kerplunk, I play every Wednesday that I can escape work. We aren't very successful.
Work is one thing that I haven't changed yet, I guess I'm casually looking for alternative employment, but 60hr weeks don't really leave time for that. Its not as bad as it used to be, I guess I feel a little appreciated at the moment, I wont say that the pay rises haven't affected that.
If I ever bore you with detail and honesty I apologize, thats one of the steps in my new direction, honesty is incredibly important, without it you end up hurting yourself and those you care most for. Sorry to those that I stuffed around over the last few years, thank you to those who have forgiven me.
I diagnosed myself with a multiple personality disorder a couple of years ago, no I am not qualified for that sort of thing, but I always said, why should I go see a shrink when all they are going to do is tell me what I already know? When you have multiple personalities you have two options, they are not clear cut, but in the basic view, you can either accept them or reject them. I think that the best option varies between people and the different personalities that you have. I tried accepting mine (I have 8 at casual count) but they are all rather different, don't get me wrong, they have pieces that tie them together. But when you have a very promiscuous character and a very devoted monogamous character within the same person, your bound to have problems. And I did, I hurt two very wonderful men, and I hated myself for it. The guilt and the hatred bring out the most feared of myselves, the one that we called the Gollum. It wants nothing but to hurt me. So as I found, I was getting nowhere. It was time to stir things up, start again.For the last few months, I have been carefully constructing cages and walls within myself, ones that will help me control my mees. The me that is in control is one that I am happy with, she seems reasonable and behaved, she is not strong tho, and I will have to work on that.
The next while will not be easy, I know this, but I must try. And if you want to follow the progress, that is fine. I promise that not every entry will be this boring :)
Hi,I'm Elisha.I live in Christchurch, which is a city in New Zealand/ Middle Earth/One of the most beautiful countries in this world. I'm 30 and have finally learnt how to be me.Trust me, it was more complicated than you would think. Also I could kick your arse at Wii bowling :P
Oh, and Ive clocked Tetris...
This is me, uncensored, true and occasionally blatant, don't be offended.
Seriously I have and do...
