New Years Resolutions....

Have an incredibly low success rate. But here I am trying to make one work.

Its a new year, I have a new residence, a new boyfriend and a new lease on life.

My New Years resolution? To get my plans and life on track, starting with my website and blog. I shall attempt to post every Tuesday, I believe if I set the time aside, it is accomplishable (I'm not sure that that is even a word...) Then, maybe, I'll start on the typically failed resolutions, eat better, go to church more, loose weight etc.

So much has changed in me and my life in the last six months. I moved out of a living situation that everyone bar myself saw as detrimental. Now that I'm out of it, I know where they were all coming from. I now live by myself, by myself I mean that I live with those two rascally kitties of mine (they are not to bad really) if it wasn't for them I would go mad from solitude.

The new boyfriend is for the first time in my life, not that in to computers, I think I actually out geek him, lol, its a new experience for me, and I'm actually enjoying normal people activities like walking the dog and playing social sports. Yeah sports, I know! The boyfriend and I co-captain a soccer team called Kerplunk, I play every Wednesday that I can escape work. We aren't very successful.

Work is one thing that I haven't changed yet, I guess I'm casually looking for alternative employment, but 60hr weeks don't really leave time for that. Its not as bad as it used to be, I guess I feel a little appreciated at the moment, I wont say that the pay rises haven't affected that.

If I ever bore you with detail and honesty I apologize, thats one of the steps in my new direction, honesty is incredibly important, without it you end up hurting yourself and those you care most for. Sorry to those that I stuffed around over the last few years, thank you to those who have forgiven me.

I diagnosed myself with a multiple personality disorder a couple of years ago, no I am not qualified for that sort of thing, but I always said, why should I go see a shrink when all they are going to do is tell me what I already know? When you have multiple personalities you have two options, they are not clear cut, but in the basic view, you can either accept them or reject them. I think that the best option varies between people and the different personalities that you have. I tried accepting mine (I have 8 at casual count) but they are all rather different, don't get me wrong, they have pieces that tie them together. But when you have a very promiscuous character and a very devoted monogamous character within the same person, your bound to have problems. And I did, I hurt two very wonderful men, and I hated myself for it. The guilt and the hatred bring out the most feared of myselves, the one that we called the Gollum. It wants nothing but to hurt me. So as I found, I was getting nowhere. It was time to stir things up, start again. For the last few months, I have been carefully constructing cages and walls within myself, ones that will help me control my mees. The me that is in control is one that I am happy with, she seems reasonable and behaved, she is not strong tho, and I will have to work on that.

The next while will not be easy, I know this, but I must try. And if you want to follow the progress, that is fine. I promise that not every entry will be this boring :)